Naruto Fan mail!
by Ulquiorra-kun
Summary: Wanna read what Naruto fans has sent them in the mail? Well read the story to find out! XD!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto… Anyway, Naruto and the company have received fan mail from their fans! Find out what they say in these letters and read what Naruto and his pals reply to them.

From: Hottie Girl

Okay, I just wanted to ask a few questions about these characters. Itachi,I know you're extremely hot and I wanted to know if you will go a date with me?Sasuke, my darling, why can't you be hot like your sexy brother? And one more question! Karin, why are you a freak? Can't you stay away from Sasuke-kun?I really don't like you and I wanted to know if I can kill you.

Dear Hottie Girl,

Itachi: Hell yeah! (pulls out a long list of papers) Alright! We can have our date after I go on a date with Susie, Mary, Samantha, Heather, Leah, Anko, Kurenai, Tsunade, Shizune, and your mother at 8:00pm.

Sasuke: (angrily) what do you mean? I am hot! What's the difference between sexy and hot?

Naruto: Well, Sasuke you are dumb cuz sexy is spelled with four letters and hot is spelled with three! That's a huge difference you moron!

Karin: (sobs) I'm not a freak! I love Sasuke! He's my lover! (sniff his underwear) that smells good.. Oh , you can't kill me cuz Sasuke will be mad!

Sasuke: (grabs his boxers) Those are mine! Stay the hell away from me, stalker!

Love,

Itachi, Sasuke, and Karin

From AnimeLover,

Deidara, I'm a huge fan! I know everything about you like where you live, phone number,house number, MySpace account, Facebook account, date of birth, Yahoo account, e-mail address, and your fave foods, but I need to know why you don't like Itachi! Tenten, what's your last name? Gaara, do you like to dance?

Dear AnimeLover,

Deidara: (shocked) Who the hell are you? How do you know some much information about me?

Naruto: They have everyone's background info on a blog. It's called !

Deidara: (dyes his hair orange and wears a fake moustache) I'm Mr. Moustache man!

Naruto: (does some research on the computer) Deidara..

Deidara: No, it's Mr. Moustache man!

Naruto: (rolling his eyes) Well Mr. Moustache man, on the blog it said that Deidara has change

his name to hid his identity. His hair is orange and he is wearing a fake moustache. Please tell all Deidara fans immediately.

Deidara:( rips the moustache off his face) Ouch! Dammit… Stupid fans….

Tenten;( laughs) Of course, I have a last name! Why would you ask that question? My full name is Tenten Li Seung Hong Doon Sanchez Mitsurugi Jimenez Matsumoto Alvarez Pai, but you can call me Tenten for short!

Gaara: ( frowns) I don't dance!

Kankuro: Hey bro! Ready for our DDR dance off?

Gaara: (whispers) **SHUT UP!**

Kankuro: Yeah, my bro Gaara is the DDR champ! He has a YouTube account called

DanceYourAssOFF. Gaara has 20 gazillion videos! Talk about video whore, right?

Gaara: ( slaps his brother) Don't go to that account or I will kill you!

Kankuro; Don't listen to him! He's just a softie! Gaara won't harm you!

Gaara: (beats Kankuro with a metal bat) Yeah, I will!

Love,

Everyone

From AnimeLover,

It's me again! Mr. Moustache man! You didn't answer my question from the previous letter! All the fan girls from the blog told to tell that you look queer with your hair orange!

Dear AnimeLover,

Deidara: (annoyed) First of all, I'm not Mr. Moustache man anymore! I change my name back to

Deidara! Number two, I dyed my hair back to its original color.

Naruto; Wow! As soon as you said those words, there were more updated info on the blog. It said Mr. Moustache man is now back to gorgeous Deidara and he is a blondie again! All Deidara fan girls can scream for joy!

Deidara: ….. Alright, anyway here's the reason why I hate Itachi..

(Flashback)

Itachi: You called that artwork! It looks like your mom drew that piece of shit for you!

Deidara: (upset) Take that back you jerk!

Itachi: (crushes Deidara's artwork) What a loser! This is true artwork! (he pulls out a nude drawing of himself) You can't beat this! (he walks away)

Deidara: (cries) **MY STICK FIGURES**! Don't worry my angels, I'm here for you!

(End of flashback)

Deidara: That's why I hate that cold hearted bastard!

Love,

Deidara

Send more fan mails to us, please!

Love,

Deidara

Send more fan mail to us, please!


	2. Chapter 2

Naruto: Yay! We got more mail from our fans!

Sakura: It's time to read them!

From I heartSai

Sai, I love you! Please, will you go out with me?

Dear IheartSai,

I'm sorry, but I'm gay! Now, go away!

Love,

Sai

From Pokemon Ranger,

I'm a guy in case you guys are asking. I really enjoy watching Naruto. It's a good anime. Guy sensei, you have a weird taste in fashion! Just what

the fuck are you wearing? Someone can mistake you for a vegetable! And Lee, why do you admire your sensei so much? I mean.. Come on! Tenten and Neji don't look like idiots, but you do!

Dear Pokemon Ranger,

Guy: For your information, I have good sense of style! It's my Guy suit! It's very

popular! Did you know that Lady Gaga wear my Guy Suit? It's amazing to see a woman

admire my fashion!

Lee: I just really love my teacher.. He means everything to me!

Guy: (crying) Do you mean that Lee?

Lee: ( sobbing) Yes, I do!

Guy: I love you, Lee..

Lee: I love you to Guy sensei..

( They hugged each other and a sunset appeared out of nowhere..)

Tenten: Very awkward!

Love,

Guy and Lee

From Be with me or I kill you!

Sasuke , I just wanted to tell that if you ever needed to commit suicide I'm here for you. I know you like to cut yourself, but you can change my friend. Shino-kun, how do you sleep with bugs crawling inside and outside of your body? Naruto, have you heard of a sandwich? It's delicious!

Dear Be with me or I kill you!

Sasuke: I'm not suicidal! I didn't cut myself on purpose! I had a paper cut! Then I accidently, jumped off that cliff cuz I saw some yaoi fans!

Shino: It's very easy.. I imagine beautiful naughty girls touching me in a dirty way.

Naruto: A sandwich? Is that for fancy people? I'm not rich, thank you very much! I prefer to eat

at least 10 bowls of ramen a day! Does that answer your damn question?

Love,

The boys

From Big Bang Fan

Itachi, your hair is long and pretty! What shampoo do you recommend me to use? Kakashi, are you a pervert? Kisame, not to be mean or anything, but will you get mad if I eat fish sticks and anything fish-related?

Dear Big Bang Fan,

Itachi: It's not my real hair… (takes off his hair) it's a wig! I'm actually bald. And I don't

use shampoo either….

Kakashi: (shakes his head) No, silly! Stop reading the People's magazines.. You know they

tell lies and rumors… (watches a porno movie)

Kisame: ( pouts) Hell yeah, I will be upset! Those are my brothers that you are eating!

Love,

The guys

From Minato Fangirl

Minato, I mean Lord Yondaime, sir… I own Naruto Ultimate Ninja 3, 4, and 5 because I love you so much… I admire you skills as a ninja.. You are very attractive. You're definitely my type.. but the thing that is bothering me the most is that you don't speak when you are doing the jutsus in the games. You just smile and show your teeth when I look at the figures in the Naruto collection.. I'm very curious to know why you won't speak to me, my love?

Dear Minato Fangirl,

Yondaime: …. …. …..

Naruto: The dots that you see on the this paper is Morse Code… So I will have to translate for you…

Yondaime: …. …. …..

Naruto: He said the reason why he can't speak it's cuz he went to the men's restroom Hooter's and he saw three guys in a threesome and he lost his voice forever and his eyesight. He is wearing contacts..

Love,

Yondaime and Naruto

From Ichigo Kurosaki

Hey, guys! It's me! Ichigo Kurosaki the substitute soul reaper! Anyway, Naruto.. I noticethat Hinata really loves you, but you are oblivious to notice her.. Sakura, you know Sasuke don't like you, so why do you keep chasing after him? And Sasuke.. You love your older brother, don't you? You guys shouldn't be fighting!

Dear Ichigo Kurosaki,

Naruto: What does oblivious mean? It must mean very smart.. Well, duh! I'm smart! Yeah,

I knew about Hinata's feelings.. Why do you think we are friends?

Sakura: Girls likes guys who treat them like crap.

Sasuke: (smirks) I don't love him. I hate him! ( cries) Itach is a meanie! he won't add me as a friend on Twitter… Every time, I try to send him a message he reports me to the staff that I'm a sex offender….

Love,

Team 7

From Yaoi girl,

Hi, Sasuke and Naruto! What did you guys think about your first kiss?

Dear Yaoi girl,

Sasuke;( frowns) That was horrible! I have nightmares about that kiss and it keeps

haunting me… Somehow, someone keeps sending me some yaoi manga books in the mail…

Naruto: Yeah, what he said! (In his mind) That was the best kiss of my life.. It was so

wonderful! His lips were so cold, but I felt my heart beat faster…and my face was red like a tomato….

Sasuke: (staring at Naruto) I hope you aren't thinking about any gay thoughts about me and you!

I'm not gay! I don't swing that way!

Naruto: That's not what you said last night!

Sasuke: O.O

Love,

Sasuke and Naruto

Please continue to send more letters!


End file.
